Thank God I’m Not Made In China!

Let’s face it: EVERYTHING is made in China theses days. It doesn’t matter what store you shop in or what you’re looking to buy, chances are, if the one you’re buying wasn’t shipped out of Hong Kong, there’s one just like the one you’re buying on a trans-Pacific voyage right now, and it’ll cost you half as much when it gets here.

The only problem is, it might kill you when it arrives.

For dog and cat owners, you might recall March’s little escapade where tainted products were used for producing brands like Science Diet, ALPO, and Eukenuba. The vegetable proteins, which were the actual source, were also used in livestock feed, but experts say it won’t harm humans. Good for us, bad for Fido.

Now the threat (don’t you love that word?) isn’t to our pets, but to our barely-smarter children, who eat just about everything, anyway. If the lead paint in the Fisher Price toys doesn’t kill them, the little magnets from their Polly Pockets or Magnetix might do the job.

It’s one thing to kill our pets. It’s another thing entirely to kill our children.

Good thing the Chinese government is stepping up, right?

In what they’re calling a “War” on tainted products, the Chinese government has promised to start doing real inspections and testing their own goods before shipping them out, so ‘concerned’ American firms like Wal-Mart won’t have to tax themselves by doing it here.

Also, they executed the head of their FDA.

In the long run, however, we’ll always forgive China. Why? Well, despite the fact that they’re our biggest competitor for consumption, and that they’re Communists, and that we’re dogmatic, sycophantic morons, we need them.  Just remember kiddies, ‘need’ isn’t the same as ‘love.’  We’re not forgiving them anytime soon for getting the 2008 Olympics or being Red or anything.  We’re just begrudgingly accepting to keep buying their poorly-made, super-cheap knock-offs.

Because China is the WalMart of the world, and everybody knows, we can’t live without our WalMartz.

Dora may soon be exploring an ER near you.

~ by echostarlite on September 5, 2007.